Yesterday at work, I was reminded of something incredibly important.
At the psychiatric hospital where I work, we recently admitted a patient we were familiar with. This individual is known for testing boundaries, being sexually inappropriate, and openly welcoming confrontation. During his stay, he became overly aggressive, and an emergency call was made for all staff to assist.
When I arrived, he was yelling racist, homophobic, and demeaning statements at staff and peers. At one point, he locked his attention on me. He yelled that he specifically hated me and listed his reasons why.
Our training is clear: once a hostile patient focuses on one staff member, that staff member should step away to help de-escalate the situation.
So I smiled, calmly told the team I was leaving, walked back to my office, and continued my paperwork.
That was it.
Later that night, the patient left against medical advice.
The Part That Shocked Me
The next day, I greeted a nurse and mentioned how relieved I was that the situation had resolved. She paused and told me something unexpected.
She said she was impressed with how I handled it — specifically when the patient targeted me and I simply walked away.
Her eyes began to water and she stopped herself.
She shared that she struggles with that. That when patients say negative things about her, it sticks. It makes her question herself.
I reminded her of our training. I told her something simple:
Just because someone says something about you doesn’t mean it’s true.
I told her she was an amazing nurse. I reminded her that many of our patients are experts at pushing buttons. Many of them have burned bridges with family and friends — and have no problem trying to do the same with you.
She thanked me, gathered herself, and we both went on with our day.
But the moment stayed with me.
How Many of Us Do This?
How many of us allow someone else’s words — especially in heated or unstable moments — to reshape how we see ourselves?
We know who we are.
We know our values.
We know our intentions.
Yet one comment, one insult, one moment of criticism can shake us.
It’s dangerous.
Because when we start believing negative, unfounded statements about ourselves, we begin living differently. We start shaping our behavior around avoiding criticism instead of pursuing purpose.
We shrink.
We perform.
We try to become whatever we think will stop others from speaking negatively.
And here’s the truth:
It never works.
There will always be someone who sees the world through their own lens of pain, insecurity, or projection. Many people who attack others are simply deflecting attention from their own unhappiness.
That doesn’t make their words yours to carry.
The Real Work
The real work is this:
- Be yourself.
- Love yourself.
- Know who you are.
- Understand that not every opinion deserves space in your mind.
You are not required to internalize every negative statement thrown your way.
You are allowed to walk away — physically and emotionally.
When you do that, you protect your peace.
When you protect your peace, you increase your confidence.
When you refuse to let others define you, you build resilience.
And never forget — you’ve always been beautiful.
Reflection Question
Has someone else’s words ever made you question something about yourself that you once felt confident about? What would happen if you chose not to carry those words anymore?
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