Last week, I had the opportunity to present my Coping Skills 101 workshop to an amazing group of parents.
At the beginning of the workshop, I explained that we would be discussing six different coping strategies designed to help us manage difficult emotions, stressful situations, and life's unexpected challenges.
I also explained something important:
These strategies aren't one-size-fits-all.
We can customize them to our personalities, preferences, and circumstances. Some strategies work better in certain situations than others.
Throughout the presentation, I shared examples of how these strategies work, how I've used them in my own life, and why they may not always be appropriate for every situation.
But before I could even get to the third strategy, something happened that caught me completely off guard.
"What Would You Tell Her?"
Someone asked if I could help a person in the audience with a difficult situation.
A woman shared that she had recently lost her apartment in a fire and didn't know what to do.
I was asked:
"What would you tell her?"
I was stunned.
Not because her situation wasn't serious.
Quite the opposite.
Losing your home and belongings in a fire can be an absolutely devastating experience.
Imagine losing your home, your possessions, your sense of security, and the routines you've built your life around.
Where do you begin?
What do you do next?
How do you even begin processing everything that just happened?
As I listened, I couldn't help thinking about the purpose of the workshop.
We were discussing tools designed to help people manage overwhelming situations, and here was someone facing exactly that kind of challenge.
But it also made me wonder:
What was she expecting me to say?
Are We Looking for Solutions or Immediate Relief?
Later, I learned that this woman was already receiving assistance from the American Red Cross.
That's important because the Red Cross can provide disaster-related assistance, help connect people with resources, and offer support with next steps, including access to mental health services.
And that brings me to an important distinction.
There are problems that require practical solutions, and there are emotions that require healthy ways of coping.
Sometimes we need both.
If you've lost your home, you may need emergency housing, financial assistance, replacement documents, and help rebuilding your life.
A coping skill isn't going to replace your apartment.
Breathing exercises aren't going to replace your belongings.
Positive thinking isn't going to erase what happened.
But healthy coping strategies can help you manage the emotional challenges you experience while working toward those solutions.
And that's incredibly valuable.
We Want the Pain to Go Away. NOW!
Think about how often we encounter something difficult and immediately want someone to tell us how to make it better.
We want the answer.
We want the solution.
We want the pain to disappear.
And we want it NOW!
That's understandable.
Nobody enjoys suffering.
But some situations don't have quick, easy fixes.
Losing a home, ending a relationship, experiencing the death of a loved one, dealing with financial hardship, or facing an unexpected crisis can produce emotions that don't simply disappear because someone gives us advice.
Sometimes those feelings remain long after the immediate problem has been addressed.
That's why I believe learning coping skills is so important.
Coping Skills Aren't Magic. They're Tools.
Imagine someone hands you a toolbox.
Inside are six different tools.
Would you expect every tool to solve every problem?
Of course not!
You need to understand what each tool does, when to use it, and how to use it effectively.
Coping skills work much the same way.
One strategy might help you calm down when your emotions become overwhelming.
Another might help you challenge a negative thought.
Another might help you express difficult feelings.
Another might help you identify what you can realistically do next.
But simply knowing these strategies exist isn't enough.
You have to practice using them.
And sometimes?
They won't work the way you hoped.
You'll make mistakes.
You'll have setbacks.
You'll discover that something helpful yesterday isn't particularly helpful today.
That's okay.
The goal isn't perfection. The goal is preparation.
So, our question to you is: What Are You Expecting From Your Coping Skills?
Leave a comment