Recently, I received a phone call from my brother.
During our conversation, he said something that caught me off guard:
"You always seem so Zen."
That meant a lot to me.
Because I remember a time when "Zen" was probably one of the last words I would have used to describe myself.
There were periods when it felt like I was dealing with one chaotic situation after another. And somewhere in my mind, I kept waiting for the day when everything would finally fall into place.
When the problems would stop.
When everything would work out the way I wanted.
When life would finally cooperate with my plans.
Then I could relax.
Then I could be happy.
Then I could have peace.
Eventually, I had to learn something:
Life Doesn't Follow My Plan
I had to accept that I'm not in charge of the universe.
I can't control everything that happens around me.
I can't control other people's behavior.
I can't guarantee that tomorrow will go according to plan.
And no matter how well things are going today...
Trouble is always lurking somewhere.
I don't say that to be negative.
I say it because accepting that reality actually helped me become more peaceful.
Life is going to produce challenges.
My job isn't to create a life without challenges. My job is to become better prepared to handle them.
Maybe That's What "Zen" Really Is
Being calm doesn't necessarily mean everything in your life is going perfectly.
Sometimes it means you've finally accepted that everything doesn't have to go perfectly for you to be okay.
Over time, I've acquired tools that help me manage difficult situations.
I've learned that life isn't perfect.
I've learned that I'm not perfect.
I've learned that I'm not in charge of everything.
And I've learned that when something doesn't go according to plan...
I can adapt.
That's a much different way of living than constantly waiting for the world around you to behave exactly the way you want it to.
The Challenge Isn't Always the Problem
There's another lesson I've learned:
If I stay focused on a challenge without working toward a solution, I'm probably going to remain stuck in that challenge.
It's easy to keep asking:
"Why is this happening?"
"Why me?"
"Why can't things just go right?"
Sometimes those feelings are completely understandable.
But eventually I have to ask a different question:
"Okay...what am I going to do about it?"
Maybe I can solve the problem.
Maybe I need help.
Maybe I need to change something.
Maybe I need to wait.
Maybe I need to walk away.
And sometimes the solution is simply accepting that I cannot change what happened—but I can decide what happens next.
That's where my energy needs to go.
So Should We Just Wait for Trouble?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Don't spend today worrying about what might go wrong tomorrow.
Enjoy the ride!
Love your family.
Laugh.
Work toward your goals.
Try something new.
Celebrate when things are going well.
But while you're doing that, build your toolbox.
Learn healthy coping skills.
Learn how to manage your emotions.
Learn when to ask for help.
Learn how to problem-solve.
Learn how to accept what you cannot control.
Learn how to adjust when Plan A becomes Plan B...or C...or D.
Because we may not get to decide when a challenge arrives.
But we have the power to decide what we do once it gets here.
What's Messing With Your Zen?
Hottest Moms, is there something happening in your life right now that's making it difficult to maintain your peace?
Tell us about it.
Maybe someone in our community has been through something similar and can share what helped them.
And maybe your willingness to talk about what you're going through will make another mom realize she's not the only one struggling with it.
You don't have to have everything figured out before you talk about it.
Sometimes admitting "I'm struggling with this" is where the work begins.
Sharing your challenges can be a challenge in itself. But finding the courage to face them and ask for help can build Confidence.
Accepting life's challenges, adapting, finding solutions, and continuing forward builds Resilience.
And never forget...
You're already Beautiful.
Leave a comment