Cognitive distortions are powerful. They’re the mental filters that twist how we see the world — and often, they’re the reason we keep making the same mistakes and feeling the same pain.
I saw this firsthand recently at work in a psychiatric hospital. I was leading a group discussion about taking responsibility for one’s actions when two male patients — both homeless, unemployed, and struggling with addiction — shared their perspectives.
They were friends, bonded by similar struggles. When I asked what they thought their role was in where they ended up, they didn’t hesitate to answer:
“It’s the women’s fault.”
The Conversation That Followed
They explained that they’d been kicked out by their romantic partners. When I asked why, they admitted they had cheated — but quickly added, “But she did it first!”
Their story unfolded like this:
They lost their relationships because of drug use and instability.
Their partners eventually moved on.
Out of anger and “revenge,” they started sleeping around.
Their behavior pushed everyone — including family and friends — further away.
Yet somehow, in their minds, none of this was their fault.
When I asked about their drug use, they said they only used to “numb the pain” their exes caused. When I asked about their plans after discharge, they said they’d “go back to hustling.”
When I gently pointed out that hustling and using were the reasons they were in the hospital to begin with, they shrugged and said, “It’s their fault. All women are crazy.”
So, I smiled and asked, “Okay. Does that include your exes?”
They exclaimed “YES!”
“Are they the ones sitting in the psychiatric hospital right now?”
Dead silence.
The Mirror Moment
That silence said everything.
It was the moment the mirror appeared — and for the first time, they had to see themselves clearly.
They had built an entire belief system based on distorted thinking — on blaming, denial, and deflection. Their reality was warped by pain they never confronted, so they created a story where they were always the victims and never the cause.
This is what cognitive distortions do. They trick us into believing false stories to protect our egos, but they end up keeping us trapped in cycles of misery.
The Takeaway
Over the next several weeks, we’ll explore different types of cognitive distortions and how they quietly destroy our peace, relationships, and progress. We’ll learn how to recognize them, challenge them, and replace them with healthier, reality-based thoughts.
Because once you stop believing your distortions, you start believing in yourself again.
Be careful what you believe — it can either build you or break you.
You are Confident. Resilient. Beautiful.
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