At the psychiatric hospital where I work, we recently admitted a patient with a history of substance abuse and physical violence.
Not long after arriving, the patient attacked multiple staff members and bit two of them.
Because of the severity of the situation, he was assigned a staff member to monitor him 24 hours a day and was moved to an isolated room away from other patients.
The following day, I planned to complete his assessment. Before I had the opportunity, an emergency announcement echoed throughout the hospital.
I responded immediately.
When I arrived at the patient's room, I saw something strange.
The patient was standing with a staff member on his side and had his palms against the wall as if he were waiting for police to frisk him. His head was down, and at first glance, he didn't appear to be doing anything dangerous.
Something told me to move to the other side of him.
When I did, I immediately understood what had happened.
The patient had slammed his head into the wall hard enough to break through it.
From his eyebrows to the top of his head, he was covered in white plaster and drywall dust. His forehead was bleeding.
More staff arrived, and we had to restrain him for his own safety.
As staff worked to help him, the pain he had been carrying finally came pouring out.
He yelled that a loved one had recently died.
He yelled that he had been stabbed during a fight and could no longer walk properly.
He yelled that his family was tired of hearing about his problems and kept telling him to get over it.
Over and over, he repeated the same heartbreaking statement:
"I want to die."
It was incredibly sad.
How Does Someone Get to That Point?
That's the question many people ask.
How does someone become so overwhelmed that they break through a wall with their own head?
The answer is usually not one thing.
It's many things.
It's pain that goes unaddressed.
It's anger that goes unexplored.
It's grief that goes unresolved.
It's refusing to accept that life isn't always fair.
This patient didn't want to accept that he lost someone he loved and had no control over it.
He didn't want to discuss his anger.
He didn't want to explore where it came from.
He didn't want to examine how his own choices may have contributed to some of the situations he found himself in.
In his mind, nothing was his fault.
The Danger of Blaming Everything Else
When everything is someone else's fault, something dangerous happens.
We stop growing.
If we're never responsible for anything, then there's no reason to change.
No reason to learn.
No reason to develop healthier habits.
No reason to look inward.
And when we stop looking inward, we keep repeating the same patterns that continue causing us pain.
Don't Dig Your Own Hole
This story is an extreme example.
Most people will never find themselves in a situation like this.
But many people do something similar in smaller ways every day.
They avoid difficult conversations.
They avoid accountability.
They avoid painful truths.
They avoid looking at the role they may have played in their own struggles.
And every time they do, they dig the hole a little deeper.
The Way Out
The way out starts with honesty.
Not self-hatred.
Not guilt.
Not shame.
Honesty.
Ask yourself:
- What role did I play?
- What can I learn from this?
- What can I do differently next time?
Growth begins when responsibility begins.
Don't be afraid to look inward.
Don't be afraid to reach out to us and ask questions.
That builds Resilience.
Don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong.
That builds Confidence.
And never forget...
You're already Beautiful.
Leave a comment