The NO That Keeps You From Passing GO
Understanding Negative Filtering
Negative filtering is one of the most common—and most damaging—thinking traps we fall into. It happens when we focus only on what went wrong and completely ignore what went right. We zoom in on the negative and lose sight of the big picture.
And when that happens, one small “no” can stop us from moving forward altogether.
How It Shows Up in Real Life
Imagine a business team giving a presentation to secure a new client. During the presentation, one team member makes a mistake. It’s noticeable—but the rest of the team jumps in, supports one another, adjusts on the fly, and together they still land the client.
From the outside, this is a win:
- The team adapted
- The mistake didn’t derail the goal
- Collaboration worked exactly as it should
But the presenter who made the mistake can’t move past it.
Instead of feeling grateful for the support and proud of the outcome, she stays stuck on:
- “I messed up.”
- “They had to clean up my mistake.”
- “I shouldn’t have needed help.”
Over time, this way of thinking can quietly erode confidence, lower self-esteem, and even create resentment toward the very people who helped. Support starts to feel like pity. Teamwork feels like judgment. And a successful outcome somehow feels like a failure.
That’s the danger of negative filtering.
Why This Distortion Is So Harmful
When we filter out the positives, we:
- Undermine our own growth
- Miss opportunities to build confidence
- Turn learning moments into sources of shame
- Push away connection instead of strengthening it
Mistakes become defining moments instead of stepping stones. And instead of passing GO and collecting progress, we stay stuck replaying what went wrong.
How to Break the Cycle
The antidote to negative filtering is intentional perspective.
Start with gratitude.
Create a habit of listing what did go right—even when something went wrong. Especially then.
Ask yourself:
- What worked?
- Who showed up for me?
- What did I learn?
- How did this situation help me grow?
The more you practice looking for the good, the easier it becomes to see the full picture.
Why This Matters
When you learn to recognize the positives alongside the challenges:
- Your confidence grows
- Your relationships improve
- People feel safe supporting and collaborating with you
- You become someone others gravitate toward—especially in tough moments
You become a light, even when things aren’t perfect.
That’s confidence.
That’s resilience.
And never forget—you’re already beautiful.
Leave a comment